When I was living in Korea, one of the reasons I really dug having Korean friends was the way that they expressed themselves. I don’t really speak Korean, so we’d chat in English. Sometimes things didn’t translate directly or for lack of knowing the exact phrase, they’d say something mundane in a really poetic way.
One time, while ‘hanging out’ alone with a super dreamy Korean guy, I mentioned how I totally wouldn’t mind having a Korean boyfriend. His response was “If you want a Korean boyfriend, you should lose your fat.” GYAAAHH~~~! In retrospect, that’s how I feel now remembering, but at the time I was like “Wow, this guys honest.” but also “What a cool concept.”
Earlier in the conversation he was talking about how he was boxing these days so he could lose his fat (but he didn’t really have any ^^;). The Korean verb to be and to have are the same word 있다 (ee-da).
So when he was saying, “you should lose your fat” it’s like he was saying “you have extra fat, and you should lose it.” (It’s an unwanted accessory) as opposed to “You are fat. You should be skinny.” (Change your identity.) And the way Korean people view being overweight is like that. If you’re fat, it’s most likely because you’re not managing your weight properly. Just diet and exercise. It’s like saying to someone, “You look messy because your clothes are wrinkly. You should iron your clothes.”
This is just one example but, I think if we thought of characteristics as a have instead of a be, we could be more in touch with the temporariness of life and have less ego attached to ourselves. People could stop identifying themselves by their characteristics and get back to being a whole multi-dimensional complex person. eg.
Stop thinking, You are pretty. You are popular. You are rich. You are famous. – Your identity can be more than these attributes.
Start thinking. You have pretty. You have popularity. You have wealth. You have fame – But these are temporary. If they should fade, having something and losing something is easier than being something and no longer being something.
I dunno, this is just how I think. Leave a comment and let me know what you think.
Also, all of this could have just been a concept whipped up in my head to make myself feel better about a guy calling me fat.